I want to cry, I am so exhausted. I slept 3 hours last night, woke up at 9 for school, had school from 11-3, worked from 4-11 pm. fuck a mother fucking fuck fuck fuck fucker. I'm so exhausted idk what I want to do. I have a fucking headache and my stomach is killing me because I've been so stressed this past week and I've cut my normal calorie amount in half.. well idk really, I suck at math, whatever... today I had 130 calories, yesterday I had none because I fucking suck and don't deserve shit, and I just want to fucking rip out my stomach.. I ate 8 and a half hours ago and I can feel it working inside me, messing up my insides, fat fat fat fucking fat.
I work at 945 until 5 tomorrow and I'm crying now just thinking about it. I can't keep doing this. I can't go through the day tomorrow with no food, but I'm going to because I'm a fucking cow and my body can manage to eat my fat for another day.
I have to be awake in 8 hours, I hope I can sleep. Fuck work, seriously. fuck fuckfuckfuckffuckfuckfuckfuck.
Bright side? My paycheck is going to be fucking huge... but, at what cost? is it worth all this?
Going to bed, goodnight.
When you get that paycheck, do me a favour? . . . go out shopping and buy yourself things? Like, jewellery, and clothes, and nice conditioner/shampoo, and fun distractions from doing silly things :( (someone suggested “Painting By Numbers” to me, which is the best distraction ever, I don’t know if you have that over there though, still.) you deserve to treat yourself, and you deserve a break and you don’t deserve all this cutting and stress so buy lots of nice things to help un-stress you? (:
ReplyDeletei hope you feel better soon, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh love :( :( :( It really isn't worth it is it :( I'm sorry you feel so stressed. I hate that, when you have no time to even breath let alone live because you're so busy and it's crap and I'm sorry it's happening :( I wish I could help.
ReplyDeleteI agree with LilyZara too about the buying treats after you get paid- makes it much better! (and it was me who suggested painting by numbers and she's right- it is an AMAZING distraction- it sounds ridiculous but it helps, honest) xxxxx