I worked so hard in high school. I was an all-around athlete, graduated in the top 5% of my class.. I graduated 9th in my class, I think.. or 7th... whatever.. Got into the best universities.. and even got into one of the best psych programs outside of Ivy League schools.. and then I fucked everything up and had to leave.
It's all my fault. I am fucking stupid. Worthless. Shit. Disgusting. Loser. Piece of shit. Nothing.
And now, I am sitting home on my parents couch, stuck at home for another year, in community college, a place I swore myself I'd never be... working full time, while all my friends are off doing something with their lives.. I am alone.
What the fuck.
Why am I still here.
Why am I such a disgusting person.
Awful person.
Nothing person.
Not worth anything person.
Apparently.
I did some bad things. Oh well. I deserve it.
I really fucking hate myself.. I can literally feel the worthlessness moving around inside me... swishing... flowing.. I can feel it under my skin, does that make sense? I know it's there.. because I can feel it.
I wish I couldn't feel anything..
Nothing.
Zero.
Gone.
Perfect.
It's all my fault. I am fucking stupid. Worthless. Shit. Disgusting. Loser. Piece of shit. Nothing.
And now, I am sitting home on my parents couch, stuck at home for another year, in community college, a place I swore myself I'd never be... working full time, while all my friends are off doing something with their lives.. I am alone.
What the fuck.
Why am I still here.
Why am I such a disgusting person.
Awful person.
Nothing person.
Not worth anything person.
Apparently.
I did some bad things. Oh well. I deserve it.
I really fucking hate myself.. I can literally feel the worthlessness moving around inside me... swishing... flowing.. I can feel it under my skin, does that make sense? I know it's there.. because I can feel it.
I wish I couldn't feel anything..
Nothing.
Zero.
Gone.
Perfect.
Don't beat yourself up to badly, we all do stupid things from time to time. Sometimes you'll end up where you don't wanna be, but that's just life. it's a bitch and it's unfair, but you've gotta make the most of it.
ReplyDeletethis will pass, though you don't believe it now, but it will.
just get through this x
You are worth so much, and I'm sorry I don't tell you that enough or how much I appreciate your comments on my blog. It's not your fault you're in this situation so please don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't choose this ED to come ink your life and you didn't know what you were doing initially when you "listened" to it. :( you are worth much much more than you give yourself credit for :( I hope you're feeling better and don't do anything else silly >< love you xxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDelete