banana crackers.

Progress took away what forever took to find.

Went to dinner with 2 friends tonight and we had a good time! My best friend is getting worried about me, I can tell. She grabbed my upper arm (biceps? lol idk) and when I looked at her as if to say, "Wtf are you doing?" she said, "I was just making sure my fingers can't reach completely around your arm yet. When they do......" and she trailed off because I mumbled something about it just being my sweater that was tight that made my arms look tiny.

Stop and watch the world as she withers away, but it's not our problem, now.


School was good today actually.. I had another pop quiz in psych and only got 1 wrong (again), which I was really pissed about, but it's still an A and I'm still getting an A all my classes so far.. it's only 3 weeks in, but whatever lol. Our test is next Thursday and I want an A. I've been studying like it's my job, and working like it's my job, for that matter..

Work has been so stressful. Going from working 12-15 hours a week to 28-30 hours a week has been a challenge, especially with not much food and walking around/lifting boxes all day. I work at Bath and Body Works, btw, and I love it. I kept telling my friend how stressed I've been about work and school and she kept minimizing my feelings because she works 40 hours a week. I keep forgetting that she doesn't have an eating disorder.. I actually sometimes forget that I have one, not to say I don't think about it 24/7, I just mean that it's like second nature to me, I sometimes don't consider it "abnormal" or "disordered. It's just how I am.. how I can always remember me being.. it's normal for me to be exhausted all the time, but not when I compare myself to my "normal" friends. I'm confusing myself here. Sorry hahaa.

How 'bout a drink or a bite to eat? He said "no, my faith is all I need." Save me, save me.

I got paid tonight, yay. Not as much as I hoped because I worked fucking long hours last week, but then I remembered that last week's hours goes into my next paycheck in 2 weeks. And when I combine those hours with the 30 hours I have this week, my paycheck will be the biggest one I've gotten so far. Which couldn't come at a better time because my best friends birthday is coming up and we're going out and things.. and it's getting colder, which means winter shopping. (: I love winter clothes. Big-ass sweaters that are finally weather appropriate and big sweat pants.. things I've been wearing all summer but can now wear without getting weird looks.

Anyone else love Christmas? I don't like being out in the cold or snow, but I love how pretty and quiet the city gets when it snows.. The city is always so noisy, something is always going on, and I just love how peaceful it gets... and I love the smell of our Christmas trees and baking/decorating Christmas cookies, yummy Christmas candle smells, Christmas movies, I love everything about it. I'm always happier around the holidays. It's lovely. Except when it actually gets to the holidays, I find myself depressed.. but for some reason I always look forward to them.. thinking I'll be happy when they get here and things, Idk, I can't really explain it...

Or am I too far gone, to get back home?

Today was a good day, and now that I think about it, I realize it is because I didn't have work. I was not stressed. Work has been stressful lately, with the fainting and trying to act like a normal, happy human being all the time. But I was actually not in that big depression mode today or anything. I won't cut tonight.

You are all so lovely.

Now she's falling hard, she feels the fall of dark, how did this fall apart?










Why can I never think of appropriate titles for my blogs? Banana crackers seem like they would taste good, no? I think I've gone bananas.

OH! @lillyz. and lissy.. I did manage to do some shopping earlier this week.. I figured I would get some new clothes since I'd be getting a nice paycheck. I bought a pair of jeans, a shirt for work, a grey sweater, and a pink tank top with flower or triangles on it or something lol, I can't remember. :) But it did make me feel better. I ordered them online so hopefully they will be here tomorrow (today, really) or on Monday. Thanks for the suggestion!