thoughts:

Sometimes I doubt if I'm really sick.. if I really have a problem.. if this is all just in my head...
But some member on PT said,


"Think about the first thing you think of when you wake up, and the last thing you think of before you fall asleep... think about what's in your dreams and nightmares..."




Touche.


All my thoughts are of food, weight, and calories. When I wake up in the morning, I think about what I'll eat for the day, what I reaaaaally wish I could just fucking eat, what I would never touch, how many miles I'll run, how far I'll bike, and how many crunches I'll do, who I have to avoid to avoid eating, which friends to ditch, how I'll make it through the day on 2 feet.... Before I go to bed, I re-add every single calorie consumed and burned in my head, get out of bed and do more crunches or push ups, think about what I'll eat when I wake up, what I wish I could eat, how my life would be different if these weren't my only thoughts, etc.


I'm sure many of us think like that.I'd imagine all of are like that, even.. It's really like we're stuck in this perpetuating reality until someone else pulls us out, because god knows we wouldn't dare leave this ourselves, in fear of what's on the other side... Who we really are, if others would like and accept us, hell, if we could even like and accept ourselves...




I haven't been really great lately, but I'm still here for anyone, anytime. I just want you all to know that.