I spend all hours of the day waiting for night to come.
When I sleep, dreams and unconsciousness take me to a place where all is good where
I can't
feel
a
thing.
I'm happy. Numb. Breathless.
I don't see how I have the energy to wake up in the morning.
This isn't a suicide post.. it just.. it is what it is.
I'm so drained all the time.
If this is life, I don't want it, but
I'm
stuck.
I'm so fake I disgust myself.. I feel bad for others, having to care for me.
So I strap on a smile and it works.
Even over the internet, on PT, facebook, whatever.
I'm not happy, I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about, I snap at people because I don't have the energy to do anything else, I'm 100 calories out for the day and just trying to focus so damn hard to read what's on the page.
But no one sees that.
Can you imagine if they did?
i no how u feel hun
ReplyDeletenumb is such a powerful word it describes it to an extent but nothing describes this agony enough
keep strong even if people dont outwardly tell u they notice it they mite in their heads
much love
xx
Fuckk, you're beautiful, no matter how long the night, dawn will always break, you're a fighter xxx
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I love to sleep, then when I go to bed, I can't, it's fucking lame, ADs, sleepers, fricking Bulimia, it's all laaaame.
ReplyDelete