biatch

I'm sorry for everything.


I'm just so so tired.
And I say that a lot,
because I'm tired a lot.
I'd just love for one day to be not tired.



I can't begin to express how much I hate myself
I'm so awful and self-centered.
I want to see what everyone else sees.. but I can't.
This must be me.
Why would anyone create someone like me?


I'm scared I might be sick.
I've been getting dizzy spells that last 5-10 seconds for a few months now
and I've recently been getting weird pressure headaches that last a few minutes,
on the top of my head.
Diabetes runs in my family, type 1.
I figure I'll make a doctors appointment but I have to tell my parents.

I hate being weak and vulnerable and asking for help.

My friends mom is a nurse and told me something might be missing from my diet.
lol.
Like a vitamin deficiency. That could make sense, but why start now
instead of 6 years ago
when this all
started?

Wrote a poem a few days ago.. Here she blows...

I want to say everything

But nothing is coming out

Words of sorrow and regret

Fill my head with emptiness.

Blackness and darkness

Surround my very being

Until the screams I yell

Aren’t even heard by the

Spirits inside of me,

Screaming until there is

Nothing left to say,

Screaming until my heart

Fails to beat and my lungs

Fail to make any sound.

I will never be heard,

For the air in my soul is

Rotten all around,

And the sounds that I project

Are  lifeless in itself.

Spinning in a daze I feel

Like a fresh bout of wind will

Take me to the next world,

Where sleep is eternal,

And darkness surrounds every corner,

And I can finally be at rest,

And give my head a break.