stupidfatbitch

So I've been sick and my 2 best friends came over to visit me today. They brought me a bagel and a frozen hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts. An 'everything' bagel with WADS of chive cream cheese.

They kept complaining I wasn't eating the bagel.. hell no I couldn't TOUCH that bagel..smelling it made me nervous. 500 calories, I've googled.. 430 for the drink. It's probably more with the cream cheese.. I kept telling them my throat hurt and they said fine save the bagel and drink the frozen hot chocolate! They said it would help my throat. I knew it would help my throat. I knew it would make me want to die after. I drank about 1/4 of it.
I am not okay.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
nothing.
I suppose.
I'll be fine.
I'm a fat bitch. But I'll be fine.
It made me want to cut so badly.
But I didn't. And I'm not proud of myself like I should be.
I still want to cut but I'm not going to.
I'm going to bed I think.
I still want to cut. I deserve to. Drinking this fucking sugary mess.
Sugar is filling my intestines. Chocolate. fat. fat. fatfatafatafatfatfat.

Some lovely people of PT kept me occupied for a bit.
They don't know really how much they helped me.

I really want to cut.
I'm still typing, just so I won't. I'm so anxious I'm shaking. I need to do something but I can't think of anything but that damn drink. Drink. Drunk. Drank.