"Children who were sexually victimized by other minors, including intersibling abuse, show largely the same problems as children victimized by adults, including anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, and difficulty trusting peers in the context of relationships.The victim often has distorted beliefs about what happened to them, sometimes even thinking they were the initiator or that they went through the act voluntarily."

Inappropriate Sexual Exposure

For children aged below 11, we consider all forms of sexual exposure inappropriate, and especially for children aged 10 and younger. This includes:

• all forms of sexual activity with adolescents and adults

I'm afraid.
Everday.

a week in the life..

Sunday: Work 6:00-11:00
-I was supposed to have the day off tomorrow, but I'm covering for a friend because she's stressed, lol. Join the club sweetheart. I'll be able to run/workout.. Hopefully I can get 3 miles in. My mom wants to go to the pumpkin patch or something. I get to sleep in though. Sunday (tomorrow) is a mini-floor set at work, so I won't have to deal with customers.. but I don't believe any of my friends are scheduled, but I like everyone at work fine.

Monday: Work 12:00-4:00
-Short day. I'll go to work and be able to workout again today. And finally get a chance to do my homework, as I've worked all this past weekend and haven't had time to start.

Tuesday: School 11:00-6:00
-School starts at 11, but I have to wake up at 9. I get home around 6:15 and do homework or nap/aka hide out in the basement. I take advantage of one of my two days off work for the week. I have to remember to feed my dog, lol.

Wednesday: Work 12:00-9:00
-Long day. At least I can sleep in a bit.. if I can sleep. No time for homework today, so it looks like I'll have to do it Tuesday. Today I'll try and eat a good lunch. Maybe some oatmeal and yogurt.. or a nice piece of fruit.. as I've been slacking in the eating department lately, mainly because of work. I do enjoy breakfast (lunch, really), but it's hard for me to eat anything before 12:30.. my stomach just isn't ready or willing to handle food that early, and I'm usually either still sleeping or already awake and at work or school and am not able to eat. But since I start at 12 today, maybe I can manage to make some oatmeal for myself before I start work. That'll be my goal today.

Thursday: School 11:00-6:00
-My second day off work for the week. My speech in speech class is today. Nervous just thinking about it, lol. I'm doing, "How to sell lotions at Bath and Body Works." Should be easy, since I work there, lol, just might be boring for the class, oh well. Also, I have a human development quiz today and revisions for my world religions class is due today and I have my English assignment due today. Shit. Mental note to study on Tuesday for these and to start on my English assignment on Sunday, OR I can use a homework pass. I just remembered my homework pass! Maybe I'll use it, as this is the third and final homework she's collecting and I've yet to use my pass. Rambling, oops.

Friday: Work 9:45-5:45
-Shift I hate the most. I'm awful at waking up, once I fall asleep, I'm out. I hate opening, but I like it more than closing, so I won't complain. I better be working with someone good. I'll get home too tired to do homework or workout, as I'll have been on my feet for 8 hours with probably no food and only coffee. Today I'll most likely go to eat with my family or my best friend, as it looks like I won't have time for either of them this week.

Saturday: Work 1:00 to 5:45.... work 7:00-11:00.
-Today I'll have 2 shifts. Lucky me. I'll get to sleep in (big plus side for me, I'm a great sleeper lately).. I'll head over for my first shift. It's another floor set at work, day 1 of a two day floor set, hence being scheduled so late.. and twice. I was only supposed to be scheduled 1-5:45, but then my manager got mail from corporate saying that we could start the floor set today so we don't stay so long Sunday.. so she asked if I could work at 7-11, and I said okay as long as I get an hour break.. she happily agreed.

Sunday : Work 6:15-12:00
-Day 2 of floor set. Most of the actual floor moves will be done today for my store, since we're only doing the windows on Saturday. I'll run/workout today and do all of my homework. (Well, maybe do my homework. I'll have to see my Monday schedule).



From Sunday to Sunday, total work hours is 41, give or take a few fifteen minutes that I rounded up or down.. also, give or take a few hours, because when I have closing shifts, we tend to get out at 8:30 instead of 9 (unless it's a floor set)

My "stressed" co-worker who I am working for tomorrow works 7 hours from Sunday to Sunday. If she read this, I think she'd get some perspective about how little stress she has in her life. I guess I should be happy for the money, but I honestly don't need any. My parents give me money for whatever I want, really, and I just spend mine on coffee or treats for people at work, and clothes, and I save the rest.

Not going to be a good week. Not going to be a happy/talkative week.

I worked 7 hours today. Watched 2 movies when I got home.. Hocus Pocus and Beetlejuice. I love those movies. Corpse Bride and Nightmare Before Christmas are on tomorrow (Sunday). My favorites... something to look forward too, I suppose.

I do have some goals for this week, besides living through work, lol. Finish another book. I have a pile going of like, 7 I started and need to finish. I do this a lot, but usually with only 3 or 4 books at a time. I finished one two nights ago, and I want to finish another this week.

I hope you all are doing lovely.

why am I so good at hiding things

I'm a psych major.. thought this was interesting.


-----Email-----
As a Masters in Mental Health Counseling grad student, I was inspired by this secret, took a risk, and told my classmates about my family history with mental illness.

I'm so glad I did, because I found out that in our class we have a student who was bulimic, one who was anorexic, a cutter, someone who struggled with separation anxiety disorder, someone who fought panic attacks, and so on.

Sharing our secrets allowed us to keep each other safe, have more insightful class discussion, and most importantly, it helped us to remember that therapists are human too.





my mom asked me if i still got my period today.

me

broken. replaceable. worthless. pig. beyond repair. weak. alone.


me.
myself.
i.

26.2

I've wanted to run a marathon for at least 3 years now. It's always been a goal of mine. I love running, the girls from my high school new that, and I was voted, "Most likely to run a marathon" senior year, lol.. along with "nicest person" or something stupid like that.

I've done 8ks and 5ks, and I'm doing a 5k this Sunday with my family for breast cancer (although I will be walking it).. my mother is a 5 year survivor this year.  (: Also doing a 5k turkey trot with my best friend, which we will be running.

Anyways, the Bank of America just had their annual marathon a few days ago, and my legs are itching to do it. I can run 5 miles right now (on good days) without stopping.

I know I can't do the marathon while having an eating disorder and that tears me apart.
I don't want to recover, I'm not ready, I won't even attempt to fake that I might be ready.
But I really want to run this bitch next year.
I want to be happy.
I want to be free.


but I don't want it bad enough.

Dear sweatpants, Y U NO FIT?

My co-workers have taken to feeding me lately. It's sweet, but it makes me want to rip all of their hearts out.
They've done this before, but stopped, and now they're at it again.

One gave me ritz crackers today. Another brings me Starbucks drinks and breads whenever she goes, and another always gets me food from McDonald's even when all I ask for is a diet coke (she actually started getting me regular coke, I've noticed).

It's irritating.
I know they "care" blah blah blah.

I'm just avoiding moving upstairs so I'm writing about this, lol. I'm too lazy and weak today to budge.

I have 70+ pages to read for homework. Thanks to my good friend Work, I did not have time to study all weekend. I just finished my main assignment, which is a relief, but now I'm ditching my first two classes in order to prepare for my human development test.

Oh, Lilly close your eyes, I've checked my schedule for this coming week, as my boss was in today and I knew she'd be putting it up, and they've put me back for 30 hours. Granted, 6 hours are call-in shifts, so if they don't use me for those, it'll be 24 hours. Bloody hell! ;) (I hear/read this in Harry Potter and think it's the funniest phrase in the world).


Dear sweatpants, Y U NO FIT!
I washed my sweatpants and the stupid strings got in this huge knot. So now, not only are my pants huge on me, whenever I walk, they fall down lol. And they are my favorite indoor pants. Goodness, my life is rough. =P Jk, but I'm glad this is the only major problem I am having today. I'm also glad I think it's funny..

Fuck you

A big football game for the university I had to leave is on TV.
I wish I didn't have to leave.
I want to be at the game with all my friends.
My eating disorder can fuck itself hard.

Jingle bells, homework smells.

(Lily, I know you will be proud of this one)

I sort of, inadvertently, requested less hours at work. I was talking to a friend who I work with, telling her how I was so stressed over homework and working 30 hours a week, and my boss overheard our conversation. So she asked me if I was behind in school and I said, not yet, but that I always have a lot of work to do. And so this past Monday I looked at my schedule for next week and it was perfect. She cut my hours by 13 (did I really do math that fast?) lol.. so I work only 17 hours next week. I cried I was so happy.. I was partly happy because I didn't exactly ask for less hours.. they were just given to me.. haha.. I wish I wasn't so stubborn, but at least things worked out this time.

AND I basically pressured a girl at work to sub for me this Sunday so I can go to my cousins 2nd birthday party. I always sub for this girl whenever she asks me to, literally, I think I said no once and I worked for her probably 6 times.. and whenever I ask her, it's always a no. So this time I text her and was like, "So, I'm asking you first because I always work for you, so can you work for me this Sunday..." and she was like, "Well, I guess so, but I work early Monday morning." And I just said THANKS SO MUCH! and she said no problem. lol. I can be an assertive bitch sometimes but I think this chick deserved it. She owed me one.

This week has been a challenge though. Well, not so much this week as to these past 2 months, lol. But really, since Tuesday I've been awfully stressed out. I have SO much work due tomorrow, and only got 2 things done. I have a World Religions test which is 25% of my grade, and I've been sitting in my basement for an hour not being able to study.. I did other homework, but not that.. and I also have a human development quiz tomorrow, but those are always easy so I didn't study yet for that either.. and it's 10:45 pm. Oops.

I had these weird stomach cramps today. I asked one of my bosses at work for Tylenol, and she gave me instead a painkiller that she was prescribed. It's a light painkiller, nothing but a little bit stronger than an average dose of Tylenol.. but my stomach still hurt when I got home so I popped 3 Tylenol.. it's safe to say that I felt completely numb and loopy and sleepy.. I couldn't get myself to start working until it wore off..

My scab finally fell off from when I cut myself last week.. it was a pretty thick cut, and I wasn't able to work out because I couldn't wear shorts.. now at least it's much less noticeable, although still red.

I really need to go study.. but I can't bring myself to give a shit anymore. I just want to sleep and for tomorrow to be over.