sleep

I have to study.
I just got coffee with my best friend and I'm all jittery, the result of not eating today. But I feel awake.

But I just want to down my pills and sleep. Thank god for my "friend" who provides them to me. He's all I need, really.. his pills.

I fucking love being unconscious like that, I sometimes wish that sleeping is all life is.. actually I always wish that lol.
I just want to sleep and be forgotten about and forget about everything and everyone.

I have no problems when I sleep, ya know, I'm just nothing and no one is anything.. It's like I'm not me. I have no problems, and my real life is a nightmare anyway so really nothing scares me more than being awake.



I saw him today when I got home half an hour ago. He was sitting in his car and I pulled up and he saw me.. well he lives right across from me how could he not see me? I froze but I didn't want to show him fear so I grabbed my shit and walked to my door. I could feel his evil eyes watching me and I've never felt so dirty or disgusting. I'm damaged and used goods, whose gonna want that?

I just want my life to be different.



I know EVERYONE has fucking problems, but why the fuck was I dealt these cards?? WHY FUCKING ME. If "I could handle it," I'd be doing a much fucking better job than I am.


I wish I were anyone else.