thinking I suppose.

Valley of the Shadow by Thomas Newman.

...Makes me want to float away.
Or just be a shadow. Invisible. Free. Dancing in the wind.


You know, energy can't be created or destroyed. So when you die, your energy is still hanging around. What if I have no energy left to give.. I wonder... If someone is really calm or exhausted or just lazy, is there potential energy less an active persons? If I become less active, still even, when I'm about to die, can my energy just fade away into nothingness.....

I don't know why I think these things.
I don't know why I think a lot of things, to be honest.
I think too much, I think.


I'm pretty self-centered in my thoughts. I always think people are looking at me, but really they are not and could give two shits about me. I give a lot more to others, I'm actually a really generous person. I was thinking about what is good about myself last night and that's all that I could think of. I'm generous. I suppose that's a good quality to have. But I don't have much else good about me.

I had some peanut butter this morning. Just a little taste.. and now that's all I can smell. It's very weird. lol.


I'm growing very tired of a lot of things in myself. I need to get out of my own head. I'm becoming more and more overwhelmed with myself and it's taking it's toll.

I don't know why I blog, really.

she's gonna start running?
i'm gonna start running further.


Took too much Tylenol in the past 2 days (awful cramps). I just kept taking them without thinking, I was in so much pain, I get disgustingly horrible cramps. Anyway, I passed out a bit in the car yesterday with my friend and threw up in an alley so she wouldn't take me to get my stomach pumped.. she brought it to my attention that Tylenol can be deadly lol.. I was fine last night after that but I was having symptoms when I woke up this morning... Loss of appetite (lol), nausea, going number 2 (ew)... so  I called poison control because my friend said I could get liver failure.

I'm so relieved, they said as long as I didn't take 24 or more, I'm okay.
I think I took 23.. I might have taken 24 but I can't remember for sure.

Makes me realize how much I don't want to actually die.

Reach for the Light

Deep into the far lit night,
I look for everlasting light.
They say it glows as bright as the Sun
but my burning thoughts just begun.
I can tell this life just is not right for me,
only darkness as far as I can see.
My words cannot express this deep regret
that all your needs were just not met.
I cannot hold on to nothing anymore,
My soul is charging out the door.
Chase me with your breath, you might
but you won't catch me turning back to fight.
For all it's worth, I saw the glow at last,
but deaths shadow has too soon been cast.
The end of me has finally come,
this life battle simply cannot be won.
Just as long as you can finally see,
what your words have done to me.
Funny how it takes death to open someones eyes,
to see how her life added up to her size.

(I wrote this poem/lyrics roughly to the song Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingred MIchaelson.. that's the beat it goes to).