Me he vuelto loca

This is so frustrating. My fucking brain.
I try to eat healthy, convince myself to eat more, not for me but for my family, my little sister.
To set an example, a good one, I want them all to be healthy and stop eating shit food.
I planned my food out, mostly fruits and veggies and whole grains, and it's maybe 600 calories.
And all that seems like a shit ton of food! It IS a shit ton of food!. a salad, sandwich, mini bagel, fruits up the ying yang.
But I had to add more, had to be 1,500 calories.
I did it for about a week. I physically felt better but mentally I was falling apart.
Every little comment someone made to me was an attack.. even if it was a compliment or something positive, I just wanted to crawl into my brain and hide. Crawl anywhere and disappear and to stop being noticed.

And cue a week later and I'm back to restricting. Again.
I've tried before and failed before.
Back to 577 calories today.
And I'm not hungry.

This will never go away.