thinking thinking thoughts.

So many thoughts
schoolworkfriendsrecoveringdyinglivingworkingrunningspinningfallingfainting.

All at once.. it's like I don't know which to think about first.. each equally as important as the next.


I have to write a paper about how my sister and I are different and how we are the same. That should be easy. There is one big difference. She's normal. lol, what if I wrote that on my paper.. haha.

"She is normal." "The great one." "The outspoken one." "The funny one." "The, everything I'm not, one."

lol.

Some people think I'm normal.. that I have no flaws. My friends think I'm perfect.. ('friends,' lol)... They're jealous of me.. I excel at school, have a nice job, what seems to be a steady family...I'm just excellent at hiding things. Truly, I am. I'm great at acting. They obviously know things about my ED, but they act like it's nothing, like it's part of me.. that it makes me who I am. And sometimes, I believe that it does.



That's what I have to change... it doesn't make me. I make me. It is just a part of me.. And parts can be broken... but they can also be fixed.. you just have to find someone who is willing to help you fix them.

seriously....

*deleted*

The ignorance of people.
she has an eating disorder, too.


i'm scary.
you're scary.
eating disorders are scary.


ass.



isuckusickcisuckisuckiusckisucksuscihisjcijca.
horrible human being.

op?

Looking into outpatient programs. Idk if I'm ready yet. I'm scared, I'm being shoved.

I'm not ready. I won't go. But I want to look.

are you hungry?

Went to my best friends house today.. her mom offered me food about 5 times. "No, I'm not hungry."
Doesn't she get it?
Doesn't anyone get it?

No.

Going to Florida this Saturday. If I can't bring my laptop, I won't be on here or PT at all for a week. Then school starts the day after I get back. And work.

Fuck it. All.

Seriously.

I've been hanging out with friends from work, they're great and a nice change from my "other" friends, lol.. or my high school friends, whatever. They treat me like an actual human being. It's nice.

I really have nothing to say. I'm gonna go watch DeGrassi.