i = distusting.

my mind is blank. i've started doing something bad. i hate myself so much. i love you guys

i literally have no one.i can't stop crying.
I am alone
and I don't want to be anymore.

praying.

i think i've had enough

my friend told me i have skinny upper-arms today.
i wish i had skinny arms.
i wish i could see what she sees.
why can't i see what she sees.


edit: Today (Sunday) I ate quite a bit. I have days like this sometimes, where I eat normally, or more than normal (normal for a normal person). I had 3 pieces of candy at work, and the girls were teasing me about eating so much because they hardly ever see me eat. And I had a little snack bag of cheese its this morning. And tonight my dad made pot roast, and I ate that, some corn, and even pasta salad (which usually terrifies me and I never allow myself any). Girls at work also bought me a regular coke when I asked for a diet. I drank that, too. My stomach is killing me though.

Tomorrow I know I won't eat much, I work all day and my boss who I can't bear to eat in front of, idky, will be there.

Rambling.

Live.

I find myself suddenly dreaming, in my own world, but not asleep,
awake and fully functioning, real life just seems all too bleak.
It's like stopping to watch as life passes you right by,
not thinking, not living, only staring into the great sky.
With the silent moon, sullen wind, and vibrant trees around,
your world is being torn apart, and nobody cares enough to hear the sound.
You're wishing someone would look up, praying for anyone to see
the darkness that surrounds you, the sadess that you can be.
You know you are alone and scared to face the world that surrounds,
you can't do what is normal, you are afraid of what may be found
lurking around the corner, or just the thoughts inside your head,
the world would be much clearer, if you just went to bed
and dreamed the dreams that you envision while you are awake,
don't think for just one second, that your existence was a mistake.
Life is far to short to be living in that land,
I tell you this because I know that life is better if unplanned.
Leave the day-dreaming to the weary and live out your dreams instead,
because in this life it's the living that never wait for the dead.

By: me