If your ED tells you you’re doing something wrong, you’re probably doing something right.

re-reading old blogs.

It's funny how when you re-read old blog posts that you write, you are immediately taken back to those same feelings you were having the day you were writing them. I was re-reading my "emotional roller coaster" post and things have changed since then.. I did drop out of my chemistry class. It was so stressful and I hated life and yeah. I went to class on a Wednesday, took a quiz, got a 30%, left class and cried all the way to the train, called my mom crying to tell her I was dropping it, and it was fine. I still have my Foods class, only 1 day a week so it's fine.

I feel like I'm never content. I'm either depressed and restricting or depressed and binging and purging. There is never a happy medium. There was when I started praying again, and I want to start doing that again. I keep getting lost off that path and straying away from it.. I was sincerely happy, what, in May?.. 2 months ago I was at peace with God, doing my thing, and it didn't take long before I fell and started b/p again, then healthy eating again, then restricting again.

THE DAMN FUCKING CYCLE..... First Binge.... then binge and purge.... then eat healthy and exercise and feel like I'm doing well!... then I start to get obsessive and start restricting and over exercising.... then again, BINGE. and it re-fucking-peats.


On a random note, I've been getting awful headaches everyday. It sucks. The end.

I WANT TO RUN, DAMNIT.

It's so hard not to run today and give myself a day off. I keep getting up to change into my workout clothes but then I keep convincing myself to sit back down.
It's the little wins that matter. :)